Listorama: Facebook status updates vol 14

BetaRish (is):

Invisible Cities. It’s been the theme of the week

will fall through the cracks today

last day of school!

Routine is so routine, dontcha think?

Heads. And maybe fingers and toes too

is preparing to emote

will have a mazzy day today

The Platonic ideal. Obviously

Congrats to Kelly and Simon, who are getting married later today

Drying out. In lots of senses

Thinking big thoughts hurts the head

will give you the extra life

Damnation comes in multi-octave runs

Enjoying the silence

Tings

is serendipity

is super satisfaction baby

is the definition of fussy

is the wolf at the door

Drying

ah the ol’ ‘thanks for keeping me awake party people’ feeling

Heavens, I have all that to do today?

Inspiration required for this space please

Reading innocently

can’t decide between Alice or the white rabbit

Hello couch, my old friend

is in Liverpool. It is raining

is the lamb and the knife

Raise it up

should really write more things down

is XX

has forgotten what the question is

dreamed last night of an endless cricket pitch and a match that unwound like a carnival to eternity

last night dreamed of ambition coursing off the top of hills

This time, I was in a snaking queue of culture fiends, which wound round the city like an elastic band, waiting to burst

I saw the Big Brother house silently dismantled piece by piece,a nd for the last few hours of their incarceration, people asked to contemplate an expanse of grass and sky

Put the blame on mame, boys

doesn’t have any way of measuring that

Signal to noise ratio here is pretty much making it unusable

Heavens! We really must stop meeting like this!

Fears it has all caught up with him

Has a viral infection, is drugged up and under orders to rest

Seeing the sun and not being able to play. Boo

Darling, it’s a life of surprises

Bear with me baby, I’m a little behind

is a social object

Starting over. Or again, as it should more correctly be

If my night was any guide, I really have to start writing this thing

is in a corner, with a bottle of wine, wondering who’s next

is dead set on destruction

All this I’ve done for you

might hold a wake for thelondonpaper today. Or he might not

Getting ready for Day 1 of Open House London. Hope to see you out and about

Heavens to Betsey. And possibly Murgatroyd too

This is the killing of a flash boy

thinking about monologies

Slow motion meltdown

wants to be part of a farrago of show-offs

is in the office

needs someone to detonate The Wake-Up Bomb

What did the insomniac say to the pussycat?

The answer is sleep

Thank God that month’s over

Rage, rage against the waking at night

Who needs Mafia Wars when we still have The Godfather?

Head of dust, and leaves and sand

Will you look at that?

is painting the silence

Dialogue. It works, sometimes



Futile (n): eight hours on the road, for a two-hour lunch. Hello in-laws

suggests that being in a manufactured pop band really can damage your health

Dance, dance, dance to the radio

is an oyster fisher

Behind the cue ball

Inappropriate ballads

is primary colours

Drowning in newsprint. This is a good thing

Loins. Girded. Nose. Blocked. Bring. It. On

Exchange/complete

There’s a black ghost on my trail

Hamster. Wheels. Happiness? Go

Come on! Answer the question!

Packing, foxes, words, squid and spring. Yes, I didn’t win that round of word association

will be at Wembley later. It’s any given Sunday after all

Just met a viola player who was miming behind Westlife on The X-Factor tonight. No rock ‘n’ roll goss, alas

Heavens Betsey, what happened to you?

Another day of purdah

‘The tension mounts. On with the tea dance!’ was the rather unsuccessful first draft Ice-T presented to the rest of Bodycount

The beast still needs feeding

Hello boxes, my old friends

Day 1 of packing is over

is now just one day away from growing up

now owns a third of a house. And is living in it too

can hear Big Ben from the bedroom

Methinks with this Live / News feed distinction, FB wants to drive me away

Is it possible to have a pre-DIY flashback? If so, I could be in it. My very own painting ‘Nam…

is writing this from the desk he spent all afternoon laboriously assembling

Walls do tumble down

Beast needs feeding, beast needs feeding

26 recommendations

for October are here.

Commercial: And what do you do?

This van was parked outside the flat yesterday.

The name rang bells because my dad used to do the auditing of a firm with the same name. It's not them though.

What got me though, was the fact that I didn't have a bloody clue what Grosvenor Contracts does. What sector is it in? How does it make its money?

It's only when you get up close to the screen in the image, behind the lady wearing the gas mask, that you begin to get an idea.

But even then - WTF?

If you're going to go to some effort to give your firm a bit of branding, and your vehicles some livery, it might help if you a) had a wee bit of a story to tell and b) told it in a slightly clearer way.

Avoiding depicting people in gas masks is generally also a good thing.

Commercial: On changing perceived value

Oh of course you've seen this already. But it's a) genius b) funny c) has a GK Chesterton quote and d) has a v good gag at the expense of one of my alma maters. Go Rory.

I've not been cancelled

129.365.2007
Originally uploaded by SgtRock333

but sometimes work, moving house and an ill cat do come first.

Some sort of service resumed soon.

It's National Poetry Day

today, and the theme is Heroes and Heroines. I've just dashed off this little contribution; with all the necessary apologies:


Herogram
(With apologies to Wendy Cope)

Who needs heroes anyway?
They’re never around when you want.
Gallivanting to battlefields far away;
who needs heroes anyway?
There’s always another dragon to slay,
as they suit up for another jaunt.
Who needs heroes anyway?
They’re never around when you want.

Commercial: Graphic designer vs Client

I have been up since 3am, which is perhaps why when I saw this I was left in tears on the floor. Substitute the words 'copy' in as needed, and it's still true.

A voyage in epicuriosity

Now, while I didn't learn 'why hardly anyone eats faggots any more but quinoa is suddenly all the rage', yesterday's maiden Voyage in Epicuriosity from The School of Life was jolly good fun. Along the way I did learn that:

- the secret of roasting your own coffee beans is a hot air gun from B&Q

- 'cheddar' can be a verb, and that you can also get 'session' cheeses and '10-mile' cheesses

- there might have been a sixth taste grouping discovered (hello Calcuim!) and that I am in no way a 'supertaster'. In fact, I suspect I lack the even the basic 10,000 tastebuds we on average possess

- I can shave a mean nectarine petal, and that canapes are best produced by many hands.

You can see some more images here, and many thanks Jenny Linford to expertly leading us round Gastronomic London; and to Caroline and Angharad from the School for looking after us so well.

26 recommendations

for what's left of September, can be found here.

Poetry: Theseus' ship

Is this the first Sugababes-related triolet? I do hope so. Maybe there's a market for high-speed poetry, reacting to the day's headlines.

Theseus’ ship
(a triolet for Keisha)

The last first babe left today
on board Theseus’ ship.
She's sailing far, far away.
The last first babe left today.
A new sugagirl has joined the fray;
let’s hope she enjoys the trip.
The last first babe left today
on board Theseus’ ship.